My Favorite Things: Ferrying a Flight

Takeoff from San Francisco International

Since my days in training I've heard the stories; zooming down the aisles on serving trays or standing at the back wall of the plane during take off, kicking back and watching movies in first class seats; singing songs over the PA system; party in the back, sleeping up front. The reasons vary for the need; mechanical issues, aircraft positioning, apparently it once happened after someone relieved themselves in the aisle – toxic land mine! It's always been a dream of mine, and in 15 years, I've only had one incident of doing it... ferrying a flight.

A ferried flight is one in which there are no passengers; only crew. Often, aircraft are ferried with only pilots, but occasionally, flight attendants are also needed to accompany a ferried aircraft. I think all flight crew enjoy the chance to ferry a flight.

Many years ago a pilot told me a story about ferrying a flight. There were no other crew members other than the two pilots. There were carts installed in the galleys, but they were empty. During the flight, the pilots got a hankering for a hot cup of joe. The first officer went hunting but couldn't find any coffee.

Upon entering the lav, he did find a pack, hanging on the hook. He decided to make a go of it and brewed a cup of coffee. Some flight attendants will hang a coffee pack in a lav that has particularly bad odor issues. He told me that once he tasted it, he realized how effective they were in doing so. He told me, “Every scent that was in that lavatory was now in that cup of coffee! I nearly lost my lunch!”

The morning I got the call that I was on a crew to ferry a flight, you'd have thought I won the lottery! I was a bit crest-fallen when learning that the flight was only from San Francisco to San Jose, which is only an hour drive...in traffic.

I showed up at the gate and met the rest of the crew. It was neat being able to board and just leave when we were ready; no passengers to board. We were to pick up our passengers in San Jose and then work to Denver. I was clearly the most excited of the five of us.

We completed our safety checks and briefed with the captain. He reminded us that we still had to arm the doors and then he said the magic words, “If anyone would like ride in the cockpit jumpseat, we'll only have one available, just let us know. The others had no interest, but I was like a boy being told I could open Christmas presents two whole weeks before Christmas!

Beautiful Day in SF

After arming my door, I took my seat in the cockpit and strapped in. The captain had also said he'd leave the door open so the others, who were seated in the first class seats, could have a view. I'd been able to take off and land in the cockpit during training, but if you've been reading my stories, you know how much I love aviation, and being in the cockpit is the best!

It was a beautiful day in the Bay Area. We taxied and took off and as the plane's nose arched upward, the cockpit door slammed shut. Unable to reach it, it remained closed until we were safely in the air, at which time the others offered their complaints of not being able to see the takeoff.

The sad thing about the short distance of our ferry flight was that we only reached an altitude of about 8,000 feet, but the aerial tour going down the coast was fantastic. The Pacific Ocean was on my right and the bay on my left, with the hills, the highway, Stanford University and Moffett Field, once the home of huge blimps and an airfield that still (at that time) housed their huge hangars.

In no time at all we were landing from the south at San Jose, and after taxiing to the gate, there was no wait for the passengers to board; scheduled departure had come and gone and we were coming to the rescue. It was sort of awkward going from such a fantastic experience to suddenly having to work!

High above San Francisco

I've not given up hope for the opportunity to ferry a flight longer than half an hour. A whole aircraft with nothing but crew, access to movies, cooking your own meal at your leisure, hanging out in the cockpit...ferrying a flight...it's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: Peopletainment

Reflection of a plane

I used to date this woman who used to love to going out to eat. Who doesn't? The odd thing about it was that we would sit in a booth or table in silence, giving one another odd glances and from time to time laughing out loud.

There is a routine I once watched by one of my favorite comics, Lewis Black. He talks about hearing someone say the dumbest thing ever heard, “If it weren't for my horse, I'd never have spent that year in college.” I completely identified with this hilarious routine. (You can hear it on YouTube.)

Dinner entertainment: eating too fast

So my date and I would sit and listen to conversations at various eateries. I never heard anything as dumb as the comment about the horse, but we heard quite a few interesting things. And as much as I love to listen in to strange conversations, I love even more just watching people. I can do it in malls and parks, but airports are about the best places.

For one thing, you can watch people from all over the world. Different cultures converging in one place is usually a recipe for fun. You see an empty gate room full of seats and one person in a corner enjoying the space. Another person will enter the area and take a seat within spitting distance, ignoring all the other seats available. Normal people wouldn't go and sit right next to someone in an empty area!

Another fun aspect of airport people watching is that there is normally a degree of stress involved. Packing, getting in a car, fighting traffic, parking, lugging the baggage, a nagging wife, 3 screaming kids laden with toys, and their strollers and car seats, standing in line to check bags, going through security, finding your gate and then having it change at the last minute, but then the gate isn't just across the hall, but in another terminal (it happens often in Houston). It's great entertainment to watch the meltdown and terse commands to their family members!

I love the elderly who don't understand that the only one hard of hearing is themselves. They can be talking to the person next to them, but loud enough for me to hear them 40 feet away.

I love trying to figure out people's story. I know I'm probably wrong, but who cares...it's MY entertainment.

The main terminal in Lima

Recently, I watched an employee drive up in a golf cart and approach the jetway. An aircraft had just arrived and the people had yet to emerge. I noticed that she had a sign in her hand, obviously waiting for a top-tier flier, ready to whisk him to his next flight. At some airports, Mother Airline employs a fleet of Mercedes and they deliver them from one plane to the next on the tarmac. I guess in Houston, they only get a golf cart.

A man finally emerged with two young boys en tow, about 11 and 14 in age. The man and employee took a seat in the front and the two boys sat in the rear. What I found fascinating was that the boys were not enamored with personal electronic devices. Looking around at other kids, they were all busy with phones, game devices, DVD players and laptops. These young men were interested in watching what their father was doing, learning how to interact, watching how this important man dealt with things. “Good parenting,” noted my flying partner, who had been observing the same thing.

The terminal in Houston

In most airports, flight crews have a lounge in which to hang out in, or, as we might say, “hide.” It's a great place to pull paperwork for a flight, work on trades or schedule bids, take a nap, eat a bite or make phone calls. Most flight attendants make a bee line for the lounge and only emerge for their flight at the very last minute, savoring the time away from passengers for as long as possible. But often, I find myself heading to the gate early, just so I can enjoy some people-based entertainment provided by travelers. People watching at the airport...it's my favorite!

Adventures in Life: My Penguinmas

The littlest Penguin! I was so cute!

I had the funniest birthday call of my life today. I've always said that my brother is one of the funniest people I know. He called from work to wish me a happy birthday, the third person to do so to that point. I told him about missing the call from Mom and Dad first thing this morning. You see, when they called, it came up as unavailable roaming, so I didn't answer. (I actually sort of forgot it was my birthday when I woke up!)

A few hours later, the phone rang again and it was unavailable, but I chose to answer. It was Mom, asking if my phone said it was unavailable. Upon hearing that it was, she got flustered and announced that she would call me right back, but then flung a quick, “Oh, and happy birthday!”, at me before hanging up. Within a minute the phone rang once again, and there was Mom, asking what it said. “Unavailable.”

Jason asked, “What did Mom think she was going to do to change what your phone said?” He next mimicked her talking to her phone, “Hello, this is Linda calling my son, Penguin. He knows me...”

Earth to Penguin!

I'm dying laughing. “I know, right?” I banter back. “It's OK...I'm his mother...Leela calling my son Penguin...”

Mom calls herself, “Oh Revered One,” but Jason thinks it's more like “Oh Reversed One”. So with this new detail of imagined interaction between Mom and her phone, I said that she told her phone she was “Oh Known One,” hoping that my phone would know who was dialing.

Somehow, we got on the topic of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry talks about the agreement we have with pigeons. They get out of our way, and we don't bother them. But every now and then, the protocol is broken and chaos ensues. I was about to fall out of my chair in stitches! Our imaginations have always done us justice for a good laugh! Thank you, Brosef.

Next, my grandmother called and as she has done every year for the past 47, she gave me a wonderfully upbeat birthday greeting. She then launched into the story of she and my grandfather being present when I was born. I don't get this story every year, and I'm not sure how she goes about selecting the years I get it, but it's always nice to get the refresher.

“I got the call that your mother was in labor,” she starts, “and I had to call Poppy at work, who rushed home right away. We then drove to the hospital and were able to be there when you were were born. Later, we went to your dad's apartment and Poppy pulled me close and said, 'Come here, I want to see what it's like to kiss a grandmother!'” My Poppy, he was a romantic!

She's so cute, and wants to know what I'm doing for my birthday. This one wasn't super exciting. I'm on call at work, but knew I was not going to be called, so I had a few chores to do around the house; vacuuming, arranging, laundry, cat boxes, etc. I had a coupon for Hooters, so I told her I'd be going for free wings for dinner. She was happy to hear I was doing something fun.

Another highlight of my day was the call from my Aunt, Glenda. I don't hear from her as much as I'd like and she has the most wonderful, sultry, sweet southern accent of anyone I know! She lives in Dallas and I've only seen her once in the past 10 years. It's so sad, and I promised to work on that. Now that I'm back in Houston, I need to just drive up for a visit! It was so nice to hear her voice and know that she thought of me today.

A few friends

Most of my wishes came to me via my only social life, currently...the dreaded Facebook! I did also hear from a very dear friend in LA and a few other close friends who wanted to let me know I was thought of.

Best birthday phone calls...ever!

The kink in my day involved my new kitty, Cusco. I was cleaning the cat box, and I've found out in the few months that I've had him that he's the kind of cat who is fascinated with watching me clean his box. He watches with great interest, but today, he got right in it.

“Cusco!” I said, “I'm still cleaning that. Can't you wait? OK, well, I guess not,” as he started in on number one. I waited and tried to look away, to give him some privacy, but he didn't seem to care one way or another. I know I would want my human to give me that courtesy.

After scratching around, I could tell that he was now about to issue number two.
“Oh, come on! Cusco...really?” He ignored me as he found the prime position for doing his business. Unbelievable!

Kitty Cusco

When he was finally done, I started to finish my task in scooping the cat diamonds when I noticed in his fresh deposit, disgusting little whitish worms. Ugh! I got a small plastic baggy, knowing the vet would love to inspect it, and called for an immediate appointment.

After a very positive visit with the vet, I got him settled back in at home and left for dinner. I'd not been to Hooters in a long time. I used to go there often and I had received a birthday gift from them for free wings. I sat with my nice, cold Blue Moon and posted on line about my enjoying wings and a lap dance. The wings were spicy and the lap dance was my napkin, but that was the best action I've had in a while!

Young Batman Penguin

It was good day and I don't feel any older. (Not that I really could! How the hell did I get this old, any way? That little boy I used to be is still lurking inside me constantly trying to get back out. I think he wants to watch Batman and play with Legos and Star Wars toys!)

My birthday...It was a Penguinmas Miracle!

Jedi Penguin

My Favorite Things: Working It

One thing this job has is lots of variety. This is not a job for people who like the mundane; who like regulated tasks; who like repetition. I see people working on assembly lines and think to myself, “I'd rather be attacked by a giant fruit cake!” Besides the constantly varying days off, my job is full of different destinations and aircraft.

An Airbus about to land at EWR

The question I get asked most, and gets my eyes rolling, is, “What is your route?” It's OK, not many people realize how 60s that question is. Only the most senior flight attendant has a constant 'route'. And if I ever become that senior, I don't know that I would want one. I like variety.

There are periods of holding similar trips for a month or two; plus, every other month I'm on call and have no control over where I fly. A few winters ago, I was holding Boston layovers, which I thoroughly enjoyed. But soon, the flying shifted and I was holding Orlando. While not as exciting as Boston, I liked the hotel in Orlando and the airport is nice. One month you may see Austin, Texas 3 or 4 times, and then you won't see it for years. It's fun going to cities after years of not being there, such as a recent layover in Memphis, where the previous one for me was over 10 years ago! There is no 'route', just a constant change.

My airline has 8 kinds of aircraft in her fleet and I am trained for each one. I used to love flying on the 747. It's such a big bird, lots of places to roam, many passengers to get to know, 15 or so crew members and it takes you far away from home, which is the main reason I got this job. The 777 is a great plane to work because it was designed with input from flight crew. It's the largest twin engine airliner in the world. We have several variants of the '67 and the '37. The 787 seems like a great plane, but I've yet to work on one.

Interior of an Airbus 

There are things I don't like about the Airbus, such as the manner in which the jumpseat seat belts constantly get stuck when it retracts. But there is a lot to like about the aircraft, such as the wider aisles and flight attendant-friendly gallies. (The new 737 galleys were obviously designed by people who were never flight attendants!)

If I had to choose one position on one plane, I think I would choose purser on the Airbus A319. When I was based in San Francisco, there was nothing better than that position on a transcon red-eye flight. For the most part, the passengers sleep for most of the flight. There was a quick little service after takeoff, I would then assist with picking up trash in economy, and then it was pretty much just keeping yourself busy for 4 hours. As a writer and a night owl, this was very easy for me. I used to get a lot accomplished on those flights.

The nice thing about flying purser is being the only one on the jumpseat. There are a lot of times when I like peace and quiet, including at work. There's nothing worse than sitting on the jumpseat next to a flight attendant who's name is Chatty Kathy and all I want to do is listen to the conversation in my head. But with all the chatter, all my inside voice can do is shout, “Shut up. Shut up. Shut up!”

View from door 2L on an Airbus

We don't have that many long night flights being based in Houston. And in Houston, we don't see the 747. But I do still get a lot of flights on the A319. They're rarely all nighters, but I am often purser. The variety is great with this job, but when I'm purser on the 319, that's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: Never Fully Dressed

Caught me smiling!

“A smile seems to have a favorable influence upon others and makes one likable and more approachable.” -Mona Lisa (maybe)

Fifteen years ago, my mother was a nervous flier. She's much better now, and I think my career may have had something to do with that. She once told me that she always watches the flight attendants. If they are calm, there is nothing to fear. If they looked scared, she starts making out her final will and testament on the in-flight napkin.

This seems to be true with many fliers. I notice during bouts of turbulence how the first thing people do is to look out the window. If the shade is closed, they will open it, be blinded by the immense brightness, close it and then squint at me to see if I'm calm. I'm never scared of turbulence; I love turbulence...I love to feel the plane flying. Yeah, I'm one of those.

One day I realized that when doing the beverage service, I tended to purse my lips and look serious as I concentrated on remembering the 3-6 drink orders I had just taken. I wasn't smiling. So I now take no more than 2 orders at a time and make sure I'm always smiling, so that everyone can see the friendly flight attendant about to serve them, and not some machine.

Not smiling with a Moai in Chile

One of our local union presidents never smiles. I've never seen one grace his face. He looks as if he may be in pain or hates the entire world. People always wonder how he was ever hired as a flight attendant in the first place. A smile is formed primarily by flexing the muscles at the sides of the mouth. He apparently had them removed. Some smiles include a contraction of the muscles at the corner of the eyes, an action known as a "Duchenne smile". Smile and the world smiles with you!

My favorite thing is when passengers smile. During boarding, it's so nice to see a smile. It opens up the chance for conversation as they they stand in the line waiting to reach their seat. I'll make a comment on the nice smile and guess that they may be going home. “That's a great smile...you must be going home. Nothing like getting home after a trip.”

A nice smile from an employee

A passenger deplaning with a smile usually means they were happy with the flight, and that's why I'm there, after all, besides safety and security, to make their flight memorable. I give a parting comment to every passenger as they leave the plane and the big smiles, the thank yous, the hand shakes and comments about the nice service, the great announcements, the friendly crew...it really makes my day.

Is it odd that one of my favorite things about my job is something as simple as a friendly passenger smile? No, I don't think it's odd. It's just nice. They say you're never fully dressed without one. And if I'm any good at this, you, the reader, are smiling now! A friendly smile. It's my favorite.

Even the aircraft interphone has a smile!

My Favorite Things: The Double Chime

An arrival in Lisbon

Whether it's a great flight or one where, as I say, “I earned my money on that one!” there is no better sound than the double chime. Any flight attendant would agree. Ding...ding. At the end of the flight it means get in gear, the plane is now on final approach. If you're working with a crew member as dry as a slice of fruit cake, it means in half an hour you most likely won't fly with them again for a very long time. If you're about to start vacation, it means that all though your brain has been on vacation for a week, your body is about to finally get in synch. If at the end of a trip assignment, it means that you're home. After a long 4-day domestic trip, it's simply the best sound in the universe.

The pilots engage the double chime when we descend to 10,000 feet. They do so by cycling the no smoking sign off and back on. Right after take off it tells us the cockpit is no longer sterile, a term that means we are not to disturb them. On approach it's our signal to prepare for landing and that we can no longer bother the pilots with anything but safety related business.

At this point, we've picked up the trash and now we conduct our safety checks. No more pillows and blankets to hand out. No more water for your medicine. No more milk for your baby. It's go time. Safety checks (seats forward, bags, tray tables, and head rest are stowed) and a jumpseat away from what we hope is a short taxi and then get off the plane...we want to go home!

Jet bridge controls

What is better is when the double chime sounds early. Flight crews, just like our wonderful passengers, love arriving early. I once had a layover in Hawaii and arrived an hour early, which was splendid. On a horrid, short layover in a worn-out airport hotel, an early arrival means just that much more rest before going at it the next day. And when home, I love it when I reach my car and look at my watch and think, 'gee, had we been on time, I'd just now be touching down, yet here I am, in my Peng-UV, about join the masses on my commute home'. (Yes, I call my SUV a Peng-UV. Why not?)

There can be a down side to an early arrival, and don't even mention it, for it is likely to happen. The dreaded 'gate-is-occupied'. That's the worst...arriving early and having to sit on the plane...on the ground...even longer after a long flight. But when the gate is free, and we're early, that's a good day.

Waiting for the jet bridge

Another bad thing is having a gate, arriving to it, the engines shut down and the passengers are right behind me, waiting for the door to be opened, but there is no gate agent to bring the jet bridge up. “I guess they weren't expecting us this early,” I'll say to those just behind me.

And it's funny when we are due in early, the captain has stated as much on his several announcements, but a passenger will stop me to ask about a tight connection. I'll look at their ticket and see that they had 50 minutes when we were to be on time. “No worries, ma'am, we're due in 20 minutes early.”

You may notice often, flight crew standing in the galley at the end of the flight after the seat belt sign is on. We may be talking about our weekend or our next trip. We may be talking about the strange dude in 22A. We may be talking about the overly talkative pilots. But when you hear the double chime, you'll see us smile and maybe do a little dance. The double chime. It's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: Perfect Storm

Sometimes, things really come together well; a perfect storm of perfection. With so many components and opportunities for trouble, it's a wonder a first class service on an airliner ever happens seamlessly.

Perfect skies

It's an easy day with a flight long enough to do a meal service without having to rush. The crew are fun and cheerful. The gate agent is upbeat and attentive. The passengers board and are in a good mood, talkative and smiling. The pilots arrive and give a thorough briefing, ask for very little and are supportive in our needs.

The bins are shut early and still have room to spare. The aircraft door is closed and we hammer out the safety demo; read flawlessly. My first class passengers smile and say thank you as I pick up their cups. The taxi is without delay and the takeoff is into blue skies with no turbulence.

I make the in-flight announcement and leave the jump seat when it's safe to get up. I start the oven timer for the warm nuts, close the first class curtains, wash my hands and put my smock on. As I take meal orders, the passengers are still happy and enjoy a bit of banter as I ask about drinks and mention the meal options. Everyone gets their first choice, despite the ever-looming possibility that everyone will want the same meal choice.

In the galley, I take out the ice and glasses and start cooking the meals. I deliver hot towels and then pick them up. I check the meals to make sure they are cooking properly and remove the nuts from the oven, making sure the bread is perfectly warm before turning that oven off (there are 2). Drinks get delivered 2 seats at a time along with nuts and I make sure to call each person by name, as well as the drink I'm delivering.

Once all passengers have their drinks, I run out seconds, while constantly keeping an eye on the food in the oven. I pride myself on cooking meals to perfection. My pasta is always hot, never dry. By the time this is done, the meals are ready. I deliver meals, taking additional drink orders as I run the trays out. After the final tray is delivered, I remove the cookies from the chiller and place them on the pans to bake, which takes 20 minutes. By this time, the first passengers I served dinner to are finished eating. As I remove their trays I inquire as to whether or not they would like coffee or tea. When the timing is really perfect, the cookies are done baking just as I load the last dirty tray back into the cart. Again, I pride myself on perfect cookies. I place them on the plates, and deliver them. They are warm, fluffy and slightly chewy.

At this point, I check on the flight. I want to know how much time is remaining and need to see if they are done serving in coach. Sometimes, I can help pick up trash in coach at this point, but usually they are already done. I also check on the pilots. As I pick up the last of the trash and the cookie plates from my first class passengers, I make one last check on drinks.

The bulk of my work is now done. On shorter flights, it's almost time to land. On longer ones, I have a chance to eat, sit down for a bit or socialize with my crew or passengers. I like to personally welcome high-yield passengers in the main cabin and offer them a drink and check with those in need of a wheel chair. Personal attention is always my goal.

Soon, the plane descends and the ground looms larger through the small door porthole windows. I pick up the remaining service items, hand out any coats I hung during boarding and complete safety checks prior to touchdown.

As my passengers disembark, I thank each one personally, attempting to use a different parting comment so that no one passenger hears the same comment; good bye, thanks for joining us today, enjoy your evening, we appreciate your business, take care, see you soon, so long, see you next time; repeat. Most days, I receive compliments on my announcements and shake the hands some extend to me as they thank me for a great flight. Success!

It's hardly like a job when it all runs like this; and fortunately, it happens often. It helps that I love my job and that I'm organized and, if I may say so, myself, such a great flight attendant. It's like hosting a little dinner party for strangers but in a metal tube careening through the atmosphere. On a perfect day, when it all comes together, there is nothing like working in the skies over the Earth. It's my favorite!