Adventures in Flight: I Know What You Were Doing

While you were dancing with sugar plums in your head, I was flying from London to San Francisco. I wore a gold and white Santa hat I bought in Japan. Working in business class I served passengers who loved the hat and were so thankful to me and the crew for working on the holiday. I love making people happy like that!

You were stuffing yourself with turkey, dressing and potatoes, while I was eating more meat than was on Noah's Ark. I left on Thanksgiving for Sao Paolo, Brazil. At the two-for-one happy hour, we met up with a crew from D.C. Drunk on Caipirinha's, Brazil's national (and very powerful drink) we all went to a Brazilian steak house. The salad bar would have been enough to eat, but then came the servers in national garb slicing off skewers of pork, beef, sausage, lamb, venison, duck, chicken and yes, turkey.

While you were opening presents on Christmas morning, I was walking around Diamond Head in Hawaii,

Hawaiian Santa

marveling at the numerous Santa displays in store windows and yards with him wearing colorful beach shorts instead of his furry red suit. Santa in a kayak, Santa on a surf board, Santa only in swim trunks. It was the first time in my life I spent a Christmas morning in such heat and humidity; no snow or snowmen. Finally, I knew what it must be like to celebrate Yule in the southern hemisphere, as, up to that point, I had not been in that part of the world during Christmas.

As you kissed your loved one at midnight with the mirrored ball dropping, I was watching the two magnificent pyrotechnic shows put on over Sydney Harbor. I don't know that I've ever seen more fireworks in one day in my life. The first show was as 9PM. I viewed it from a large hotel room obtained by a crew member from LAX for the purpose of hosting a party for all crew members. For the midnight show, we ventured to a park near Darling Harbor where we could see it from the waterside and view the bridge with the Opera House beyond.

While you were watching Thanksgiving Day football, I was at 36,000 feet sitting in first class eating Mother Airline's version of a Thanksgiving meal. It was not bad for turkey and dressing, with green beans, mashed potatoes and a slice of pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. I wasn't working, so I was able to wash it down with white wine.

Another Christmas in uniform

As the little ones gasped in excitement over Santa's haul, I sat at home on call, waiting for Mother Airline to need me for a trip. I enjoy working on Christmas, bringing loved ones together, sharing in the joy and cheer and, just for fun, wearing my red holiday pin that reads, “Scrooge was right.” For some reason, people always ask what that means. But all I have to say for them to understand it is, “Bah-humbug.”

It's not just the winter holidays. You were digesting hot dogs, potato salad and waving the US flag on the 4^th of July, while I was in a 14^th floor hotel room in San Diego watching fireworks in all directions. It was time to get to sleep for my flights the next day. It was difficult to do, as people continued to shoot off firecrackers, poppers, zippers, zingers, bangers and gongs for hours.

Or I was alone, sitting along the river in Cleveland with the masses enjoying patriotic music, watching children play while their adults drank. Then the rockets red glare took off to bursting in air to thunderous applause and oohs and ahs.

Cleveland on the 4th of July

I know what you were doing on your holidays. I've done them before. Now I'm a first responder, responsible for safety and security on airliners going to and fro. Now I fly the skies circling the globe to watch others celebrate with customs not familiar to me, with foods not typically found in my pantry, with people I don't know but enjoy the company of. We all have one thing in common, we love our celebrations, our family time, our cheer and goodwill toward others. We all love a good party!

I love working holidays. I don't work them all; I tend to rotate...Thanksgiving this year, Christmas next. New Years only if I have to. I know what you were doing. In many cases, I, along with my many flying partners, helped make it happen.

One Christmas in Osaka, Japan

Happy Holidays!

I know what you were doing

I have done it too

Celebrating Christmas

Or were you playing Scrooge?

I know what you were doing

Eating with family and friends

Traveling to be together

Cheering the bygone trends

Each year the circle spirals

And brings us back around

Enjoying all the holidays

And getting out of town

Gather your things and presents

We all love a great surprise

Travel to see your loved ones

Travel through the skies

I know what you were doing

Spending time with those you love

I may not be with folk I know

But I'm as happy as a dove

I help bring people together

Encouraging smiles and laughs

From takeoff to arrival

On a big ole jet aircraft

My Favorite Things: It's Hard to Stop!

747 landing at LAX

Well, folks, there you have it...this is the twelfth story in the series of some of my favorite things. These are no where near all of them. I love my job to the point where often I find that on my days off, I would rather be flying. There are many and numerous times I say out loud, “That's my favorite!” In fact, it was having said this a few times within only a few minutes, just over a month ago, that led me to the idea to work on this series. I sure hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

In this final installment for “My Favorite Things” in 2015, I thought I would include a list of favorite things from around the world. Most were experienced in the course of doing my job. Some were discovered on personal travels. The world has become a much smaller place for me now that I travel around it as much as I do. There are still so many nooks and corners to discover, and there is hardly any place on the planet I would not love to see.

Penguin Claus

Thank you for going on this journey with me; my little holiday gift to you. And now, here are a few of my favorite things:

My favorite yogurt: In Sydney, Australia's Circular Quay is a small, narrow restaurant selling salads, sandwiches and desserts. If you happen to go there, you'll find it near the street under the overpass. They have a bin of fresh yogurt with fresh fruit. I get it by the pint and eat it during my 2 day layovers. It's thick and creamy- delicious- and full of fresh fruit. If you're nowhere near there, I've found yogurt almost as good in the grocery stores.

My favorite butter: Almost every country outside of the US has wonderful butter. I'm not sure why we don't have dreamy butter in my home country. My first meal in Paris was in a dark, fancy restaurant. I was with fellow crew members from my SFO flight. On the table was a pail full of creamy delicious butter. I recall saying, “Just give me a spoon, I'll eat the butter.” The sentiment was shared by others.

My favorite city: Untouched by war, Brugges, Belgium is a quaint town full of Gothic architecture, ornate church towers, waterways and a wonderful town square to enjoy. The closest you can get to Brugge without actually going there is to watch the movie, In Brugges, starring Colin Farrell.

A stormtrooper boards a 737???

About the best Mexican dinner I've ever had was in a small restaurant in Old Town San Diego. It upset me having been raised in Texas to find what I thought was better tortilla soup and carne asada out in California. It was also very hard to accept that the best steak of my life was found in Buenos Aires, Argentina. It was so tender, you didn't need a knife. It was flavorful, lean and simply to die for. Something about the amount of rich soil just under the grass eaten by the cows. Sorry Texas, you're known for TexMex and steaks, but you will just have to share the stage on these two items in my book!

My favorite beer: I've always had a thing for light-colored wheat beer, such as Blue Moon. It all started in 1994 when I discovered Cellis White. The Cellis brewery went out of business a short time later, dammit. Then I found, while on vacation in Brussels and relaxing in the town square, cherry flavored Lambic beer; it was on special. It was equally refreshing when enjoying it on my day trip to Brugges.

My favorite airport layover hotel: The worst part about trips to Vancouver is having to deal with customs. The best part is staying at the airport hotel: The Fairmont. One of the best hotel chains in the world (and one I once worked for when in high school), it's only a short walk from baggage claim, across the terminal. It has fantastic views of airport activity (my favorite), no matter what room you get. Wonderful location, friendly staff, fantastic rooms with comfortable beds, nice-smelling lotion and mint tea. I love the water pitcher that allows me to enjoy tea without that slight taste of coffee you get when making tea in the coffee maker.

View of the Sydney Opera House from door 5R.

My favorite layover: No longer a destination for me now that I'm based in Houston, I still loved my trips to Australia. Situated on a natural harbor, it's one of the more beautiful cities in the world. The people are more laid back and their manners are much better than those found in other major cities. I once noticed that when people took cell phone calls while walking down the sidewalk, they stepped to the side to talk. It has a feel to it of what I expect the US was like in the 50's. And with all the water, between the harbor and the ocean, there are so many walks one can take on the well constructed pathways that wind along the shores and above the cliffs. I enjoyed a different walk on each layover and never repeated the same one. It's also home to the best fish dinner I've ever had.

My favorite Barbecue: While you can't really beat the BBQ stuffed baked potato at Dickey's at the DFW airport, I think the best BBQ I've had in my travels was in Kansas City. Thanks to a passenger who told me about Gates BBQ and their burnt ends sandwich, I found a piece of heaven between bread and smothered in tangy sauce. While maybe not the best BBQ I've had, it definitely made quite an impression on me.

Landing

Wonderful pizza: A few months after the tsunami that struck Thailand, I spent a week on the shore in Phuket. My hotel had a wood-fired pizza oven and I ate that pizza each night of my stay, but one. I regretted that one. (Not really.) It was hand tossed and thin crust, fired to perfection with melted cheese. I don't know that Italy itself could make a pizza this good, and I've been to Italy! They even let me refresh my culinary background by allowing me to make my own pizza one night!

Best Cuban sandwich: I don't know the name of the hotel, but at the Miami airport I once had an extended short layover. The 'Cuban', my first, was quite tasty and the fries were dusted in Parmesan cheese. Nothing like a hotel meal that surprises at how good it is. My favorite.

My favorite downtown hotel: A few years ago, I was holding red eyes from San Francisco to Boston for 30 hour layovers. I loved being able to explore Boston and the Freedom Trail. We stayed at the oldest continuously run hotel in the country, the Omni Parker House. It's a notably haunted hotel, and I believe it! The experiences I had there will be the subject of its own story. The hotel is the birthplace of the Parker House rolls and the Boston Cream Pie. It has a great work out room and has fostered the inspiration for several stories that I have written, most notably being the history of Doctor Evil. (See my Fiction Blog.......)

Some of my favorite culinary finds: Street waffles in Brussels and street churros in Mexico City for their wonderful texture and perfect flavor. Clotted cream in London for its creaminess and divine when combined with warm scones. Seafood burrito in Puerto Vallarta full of grilled shrimp, octopus and seasonings in a grilled flour tortilla. Espiritu Santo Restaurant in Valparaiso, Chile, one of the better restaurants I've ever eaten in, dishing out garden fresh food with charm and warmth. These all had me melting.

London's Battersea Power Station with a pig I found on the Tube.

It's difficult to stop writing about my favorites; there are so many. This list isn't so much about the job as it's
about the perks of enjoying my job. The places I've seen, the places I get to visit, the cultures I am able to gain knowledge of and the wonders of the world I am able to explore. It's true magic and I'd not trade this in for anything (except winning the lottery, in which case I'd still travel, but more often than not, in my own jet plane!). I'm a first responder, I'm a safety professional, I am a flight attendant. It's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: As 'Scene' from the Flight Deck

Flying over Chicago: The Sears Tower

We were approaching Chicago one morning. I was working in the back of a 727 and the high-low chime sounded. I picked up the phone; it was the captain requesting that I come to the cockpit. Being fresh out of training, my heart skipped a beat. The captain calls crew to the cockpit to advise of trouble. When I arrived, I immediately noticed the field of white clouds below us. The captain welcomed me and pointed to his right. Below was the top of the Sears Tower sticking up through the area's low lying clouds. I rushed back to the cabin and grabbed my camera, happy it was no emergency, but the chance to see a view not privy to many.

I was in a 757 flying a red eye to Boston one winter. The passengers were sleeping and I was staying awake on the jumpseat in first class. The pilots called for a lav break and as I entered the cockpit, the first officer mentioned that the aurora was visible. I entered the flight deck and the captain turned down the lights. There, I got to see the Northern Lights dancing in the skies to the north. I nearly melted. I'd never seen them from 36,000 feet and they were truly breath-taking.

I took this shot from the flight deck.

Since I was a little child, I've always loved thunderstorms. The flash of light, the anticipation of the clash. The rolling thunder and the crash, that would shake the house. My grandmother would comment, “Donner!”, as she had heard from her mother, who immigrated from Germany.

I love to watch lightning and to see it from the air is fantastical. From the ground, you lose so much perspective of just how much lightning is flashing in the storm. From cruise altitude, you can see the whole storm, with flashes hither and yon. The whole storm can be many miles wide and very high into the sky and there are flashes of lightning every few seconds. Perhaps you've seen a good storm out the side of an aircraft at night. But in the cockpit, the view is so much more spectacular.

In the days before 9-11, I used to spend a lot of time in the cockpit. Flight attendant staffing was such that I was not missed if I spent half an hour or so visiting with the pilots. It was also easier to access the flight deck. Back then, all it took was a knock. Now, it requires a whole sequence of events to get up there; it takes numerous people, and Mother Airline staffs the planes with fewer of us, so being gone makes a big difference to the rest of the crew.

Creative shot of the instrument panel.

One of the things I love is having a cross wind affect the direction the nose is pointing. There are times the plane starts crabbing, which means the nose may be pointing at noon, but we are moving towards 10 o'clock. The first time I got to observe this was during my cockpit observational ride during training. We approached the DFW airport in Texas. As we were heading towards the end of the runway, the nose of the plane was pointed more towards Ft. Worth than it was Dallas.

Spotting a plane from the Captain's seat.

With the time I've spent in the cockpit over the years, I've learned a lot about the instruments and how to read things. I can spot planes on the radar and then search the huge sky to find them in the air. One of my favorite things is seeing other planes from the cockpit. The best is seeing one go directly over or under you, in the opposite direction. It's simply fascinating!

Without doubt, the most thrilling part of the job for me is the chance to be in the cockpit during flight. Ever since I was a little boy, the buttons, knobs, switches and fuses have been a thing of wonder. There's nothing like standing between the two pilots and having the whole world stretched out below. Or the heavens above during a full moon at night. Yep, being in the cockpit in flight...it's my favorite.

A view after sunset while the first officer is out of the cockpit.

My Favorite Things: Gifted

The gift of a great view in flight

I was working the beverage cart and while pouring a drink for children to my right, the gold pin on the jacket lapel to my left caught my attention. I commented on how nice it was after realizing it was the NASA logo. The man was going to Houston so I asked if that is where he worked. It was. I mentioned that I just moved from the Bay Area, so I met people going to the Ames Exploration Center often. At the end of the flight, he called me over and presented to me 2 very nice NASA stickers. I was impressed.

Just before Thanksgiving, I met a woman in first class who had a solar dancing turkey and after doing a dance for her in the aisle, she gifted it to me. I acted like she was trying to give me hundred dollars and not a dollar store item.

I have in my collection a United States flag pin given to me by a very nice veteran of WW2. The interesting thing about this man was that he was again a passenger of mine a month later. I was so glad I was wearing the pin he gave me, as he took notice.

Flight attendants are often gifted with things. Mostly, it's chocolate or some other candy. Occasionally it's coffee and even more rare are items like donuts or on one flight, a passenger brought for the crew 2 boxes of savory empenadas from Lima.

Penguin gets a gift

Many years ago, just before Christmas, a passenger on my flight worked for a candle maker and he gifted everyone, including the pilots, small scented candles.

Living in my bag for nearly ten years is a gift card to Starbucks. I never go to Starbucks; I don't enjoy the aroma in them and I'm never been interested in their products enough to stand in line. One day, I'll have to use it for some tea or a scone. Even though it's not been used in many years, I greatly appreciated the thought.

We love our little gifts, but honestly, I'm not one to easily accept gifts from strangers, which is odd being that I went to Burning Man for seven years; a temporary society that exists on a gifting economy. And I do love to give! I used to give gifts for the whole family every year at Christmas, cousin's included. If I ever win that damned lottery they keep shaking in front of my face, I'll be giving things away all the time! Rare would be the dinner tab not picked up by me!

But gifts don't always have to be something tangible. Some of the best gifts I receive on a regular basis are the compliments. When a passenger stops before walking off the plane and thanks me for such great service, or compliments the crew in the back, or admires my announcements, shakes my hand, smiles and tells me that was one of the better flights they've been on, it sends me to the moon! About the best gift I can receive is a note to my supervisor about the great service you received.

Inside the Houston Intercontinental terminal

Giving is so much fun and I do enjoy receiving little gifts and treats while I'm working. Giving is a great way to get noticed and ensure that the crew stops by to say hi and sees if there is anything you may need during the flight. Whether for the holidays, a ploy to be recognized by crew, or just a simple way of saying that you understand us, flight crews love receiving little gifts from passengers. It's my favorite!

(PS; And if you insist, I'd love a new Mercedes in silver!)

My Favorite Things: Coming 'Write' Up

A United Airlines 737 in snowy Chicago

There are so many components that go into a flight and there are many chances for things to go wonky. Between catering, passenger issues, weather, medical events, and mechanical issues, it's nearly rare when nothing goes wrong.

There are many reports in aviation. Reports are vital for aircraft maintenance, so any time there is an issue on board that involves the mechanics, we must report them. We call them write ups and they can be for anything as minor as reporting that the carpet is coming loose at a seam or a reading light being out at one of the seats, to larger issues such as a jumpseat not working properly or an overhead bin won't stay shut.

Recently, before closing the door to the aircraft, I noticed a wire loose, just sticking out and waving hello to me, from inside the frame. That didn't look right to me, so I asked the captain to come take a look at it. Wires should be mounted at each end, not waving to flight crew!

No engine = a lot of reports!

In the end, it turned out to be a grounding wire. Nearly everything on an airplane is redundant (there are more than one, so if one system goes inoperative, it has a back up), and the same was true in this instance. Eventually, we were OK'd to take off and the issue was differed, meaning they would fix it at a later time. But it doesn't end there. There's always paperwork to fill out. A report in triplicate, rubber stamped, blessed and accompanied by a note from your mother. Many times something is a simple fix, but waiting for the paperwork to get completed by maintenance is the reason for a wait.

For flight attendants, we have reports for catering discrepancies, reports for using medical equipment, reports for FAA violations, or those who violate FAA regulations. We have reports for injuries, reports for extended delays and reports for safety issues. Thinking back, I'm shocked we didn't have a class in initial training for report writing!

I'm good with reports. I enjoy writing and I've spent a number of years working in the field of security, including one year working with the Secret Service at the official residence of our 41^st president of the United States. I'm pretty good with detail and keeping out emotions. Just the facts, ma'am. I've been told my reports are some of the best.

What's funny is the common thinking amongst flight attendants about safety...“Please take your seat, the seat belt sign is on and I don't want to do the paperwork if you get injured.” It's true. But what's really true is that nearly every trip has one report or another, and sometimes two or more. In fact, the very day after writing this story, I had a man pass out and require oxygen. He was able to walk off the flight on his own accord, and I had yet another report to fill out when I got home.

Fixing an oxygen mask compartment.

So working a trip and getting home and finding that I have no notes for any reports to fill out, doesn't happen all the time. It's nice that all of our reports are now done on line, so at least I can do them from the comfort of home. One of the best things about my job is that I can totally leave it behind once I leave the aircraft...save for a report or two. But when I have none, it sure is nice. It's my favorite.

My Favorite Things: View to a Thrill

Thrilling view of the mountains east of Orange County, CA.

I was an adult at the time. In fact, I was the general manager of a multimillion dollar company, for crying out loud. But there I was, seated in an aisle seat on a plane, fuming. Not because the flight was delayed. Not because they didn't serve my favorite drink or not have my first choice of a meal. I was upset because I couldn't get my beloved window seat and the man...nay...loser, seated in the window seat, kept the shade closed, thus denying my ability to see out. To make things worse, I was over the wing, so when he did eventually open the shade, I couldn't see a thing. Damned wing!

It was like I was 6, not 30!

Now that I fly all for a living, I'm not that way at all. I do still enjoy the times I get to fly in a window seat. I can sit there for long periods of time just gazing at the landscape below, watching rivers snake, boat wakes on lakes, and all the lights when flying late. Sitting in a window seat is great! But if I'm not at the window, it doesn't increase my heart rate. 

Even on the ground, I enjoy seeing what's going on.

It also used to frustrate me when flying over cloud coverage because I couldn't see the towns and cities and fields below. I do, however, love flying through skies with tall, billowy clouds. Being a huge Star Wars fan with a vivid imagination, in my mind they aren't clouds we are flying around, but huge star ships hovering above foreign planets!

I'm leavin' Las Vegas, yeah, yeah.

Even on the jumpseat, I enjoy trying to steal a view. One of the things I dislike about working on the 737 is how our view out of the door portholes are so limited. One can't see at all out of door 1 Left when sitting in the jump seat. It's also difficult to see out of the portholes on the 767. They are distorted and angled down; made more for ensuring safe egress in emergency situations than sight seeing.

I no longer fume over not sitting at the window. When working, I'm often tired when I fly in a passenger seat, and I'm just ready to take a nap. The window seats are great for sleeping, in that I can prop myself against the aircraft wall. It's much better than being in the middle, crammed between other people, or in the aisle, where the cart goes back and forth and one tends to get bumped a lot by passengers and even crew.

Porthole view of IAH airport, Texas.

Yes, I'll take that window seat whenever I get the chance. It's nice to be out of the way, but there is nothing like being able to get that wonderful view; the cloud formations, the waterways, the mountains and forests, the cities and towns. I hardly ever take for granted the wonderful views of sunsets and the chance to view things from above. Another thing I tend to do is count people I see on the ground before touchdown. Sometimes it's hard to find them, especially if flying into an airport surrounded by businesses.

There is nothing quite like some good tunes on my MP3 and a great view from my airliner window seat. It's my favorite!

Flying over airports is my favorite!

Feel free to click on your reaction below and please leave a comment!

My Favorite Things: Suck, Squeeze, Bang and Blow

A good look inside an engine

One of my earliest childhood memories is flying to see my grandparents all by myself. I probably started flying by myself as early as 5, if not earlier. In the early 70s, it wasn't a big deal. Mom could walk me onto the plane, meet the lovely flight attendant, comfort me, give me a kiss, and be on her way.

I was terribly interested in the goings on outside my window. I loved to watch the movement on the ground by the workers and the neat-looking vehicles...moving belts, scissor lift trucks, train carts full of colorful baggage. And, oh, how I loved watching the airplanes. The bright Braniff colors, the proud Texas International, the long, looking Muse Air planes, the silvery American Airlines. But my favorite part of flying was the take off.

I loved feeling the power of the engines as they roared to life and sent the plane soaring down the runway. I loved how the nose lifted up and the ground shrank and suddenly it was like I could see as far away as Christmas, itself!

I think I can see Christmas!

Today, I still love taking off, and for many of the same reasons. A pilot once described an engine thusly: intake, compression, combustion, and exhaust. This is most easily remembered as "suck, squeeze, bang, blow". Air is sucked in, squeezed, ignited and blown out the back to give thrust. Let's face it, aviation is just sexy!

One of the best takeoffs I enjoy is from Orange County, California. Due to noise restrictions, the plane sits at the end of the runway with the brakes on. They power up the engines and then release the brakes, sending us like a bullet from a gun. Once in the air, we power down as we travel over the residences that invoked the noise ordinance and not until we are out over the water do we power up again to continue our climb. It's invigorating and really lets you know you are flying and at the hands of very capable pilots.

Under the wing of a 737

There is one aspect of takeoff saved for only a flight attendant. It's on the 757 at the door 2Left jumpseat. When seated in this aft-facing seat and looking at the rear of the aircraft, I get a peripheral view of the landscape zipping past the window to my right. While looking at the rear of the aircraft, and seeing the back of the plane bouncing up and down. When the nose lifts up, it almost looks as if the tail of the long aircraft is sinking down further than the ground. It's like the tail is going to hit the runway and dig a trench. It's an optical illusion that I always enjoy!

I'd love to write about an aborted takeoff. They can be scary as the plane suddenly comes to an abrupt stop in seconds after reaching speeds in excess of over one hundred miles an hour. There is a point at which the aircraft is dedicated to taking off, no matter what happens. In my career, I've experienced numerous aborted landings, where the airplane suddenly powers back up and climbs on approach; usually due to other aircraft still on the runway. I've never experienced an aborted takeoff.

The power, the surge, the sound of the engines, the airplane coming to life and fulfilling it's intent...to fly in the heavens. Takeoffs; ascensions into the skies, the powerful engines thrusting a metal bird to alight from the ground. It's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: Ferrying a Flight

Takeoff from San Francisco International

Since my days in training I've heard the stories; zooming down the aisles on serving trays or standing at the back wall of the plane during take off, kicking back and watching movies in first class seats; singing songs over the PA system; party in the back, sleeping up front. The reasons vary for the need; mechanical issues, aircraft positioning, apparently it once happened after someone relieved themselves in the aisle – toxic land mine! It's always been a dream of mine, and in 15 years, I've only had one incident of doing it... ferrying a flight.

A ferried flight is one in which there are no passengers; only crew. Often, aircraft are ferried with only pilots, but occasionally, flight attendants are also needed to accompany a ferried aircraft. I think all flight crew enjoy the chance to ferry a flight.

Many years ago a pilot told me a story about ferrying a flight. There were no other crew members other than the two pilots. There were carts installed in the galleys, but they were empty. During the flight, the pilots got a hankering for a hot cup of joe. The first officer went hunting but couldn't find any coffee.

Upon entering the lav, he did find a pack, hanging on the hook. He decided to make a go of it and brewed a cup of coffee. Some flight attendants will hang a coffee pack in a lav that has particularly bad odor issues. He told me that once he tasted it, he realized how effective they were in doing so. He told me, “Every scent that was in that lavatory was now in that cup of coffee! I nearly lost my lunch!”

The morning I got the call that I was on a crew to ferry a flight, you'd have thought I won the lottery! I was a bit crest-fallen when learning that the flight was only from San Francisco to San Jose, which is only an hour drive...in traffic.

I showed up at the gate and met the rest of the crew. It was neat being able to board and just leave when we were ready; no passengers to board. We were to pick up our passengers in San Jose and then work to Denver. I was clearly the most excited of the five of us.

We completed our safety checks and briefed with the captain. He reminded us that we still had to arm the doors and then he said the magic words, “If anyone would like ride in the cockpit jumpseat, we'll only have one available, just let us know. The others had no interest, but I was like a boy being told I could open Christmas presents two whole weeks before Christmas!

Beautiful Day in SF

After arming my door, I took my seat in the cockpit and strapped in. The captain had also said he'd leave the door open so the others, who were seated in the first class seats, could have a view. I'd been able to take off and land in the cockpit during training, but if you've been reading my stories, you know how much I love aviation, and being in the cockpit is the best!

It was a beautiful day in the Bay Area. We taxied and took off and as the plane's nose arched upward, the cockpit door slammed shut. Unable to reach it, it remained closed until we were safely in the air, at which time the others offered their complaints of not being able to see the takeoff.

The sad thing about the short distance of our ferry flight was that we only reached an altitude of about 8,000 feet, but the aerial tour going down the coast was fantastic. The Pacific Ocean was on my right and the bay on my left, with the hills, the highway, Stanford University and Moffett Field, once the home of huge blimps and an airfield that still (at that time) housed their huge hangars.

In no time at all we were landing from the south at San Jose, and after taxiing to the gate, there was no wait for the passengers to board; scheduled departure had come and gone and we were coming to the rescue. It was sort of awkward going from such a fantastic experience to suddenly having to work!

High above San Francisco

I've not given up hope for the opportunity to ferry a flight longer than half an hour. A whole aircraft with nothing but crew, access to movies, cooking your own meal at your leisure, hanging out in the cockpit...ferrying a flight...it's my favorite!

My Favorite Things: Peopletainment

Reflection of a plane

I used to date this woman who used to love to going out to eat. Who doesn't? The odd thing about it was that we would sit in a booth or table in silence, giving one another odd glances and from time to time laughing out loud.

There is a routine I once watched by one of my favorite comics, Lewis Black. He talks about hearing someone say the dumbest thing ever heard, “If it weren't for my horse, I'd never have spent that year in college.” I completely identified with this hilarious routine. (You can hear it on YouTube.)

Dinner entertainment: eating too fast

So my date and I would sit and listen to conversations at various eateries. I never heard anything as dumb as the comment about the horse, but we heard quite a few interesting things. And as much as I love to listen in to strange conversations, I love even more just watching people. I can do it in malls and parks, but airports are about the best places.

For one thing, you can watch people from all over the world. Different cultures converging in one place is usually a recipe for fun. You see an empty gate room full of seats and one person in a corner enjoying the space. Another person will enter the area and take a seat within spitting distance, ignoring all the other seats available. Normal people wouldn't go and sit right next to someone in an empty area!

Another fun aspect of airport people watching is that there is normally a degree of stress involved. Packing, getting in a car, fighting traffic, parking, lugging the baggage, a nagging wife, 3 screaming kids laden with toys, and their strollers and car seats, standing in line to check bags, going through security, finding your gate and then having it change at the last minute, but then the gate isn't just across the hall, but in another terminal (it happens often in Houston). It's great entertainment to watch the meltdown and terse commands to their family members!

I love the elderly who don't understand that the only one hard of hearing is themselves. They can be talking to the person next to them, but loud enough for me to hear them 40 feet away.

I love trying to figure out people's story. I know I'm probably wrong, but who cares...it's MY entertainment.

The main terminal in Lima

Recently, I watched an employee drive up in a golf cart and approach the jetway. An aircraft had just arrived and the people had yet to emerge. I noticed that she had a sign in her hand, obviously waiting for a top-tier flier, ready to whisk him to his next flight. At some airports, Mother Airline employs a fleet of Mercedes and they deliver them from one plane to the next on the tarmac. I guess in Houston, they only get a golf cart.

A man finally emerged with two young boys en tow, about 11 and 14 in age. The man and employee took a seat in the front and the two boys sat in the rear. What I found fascinating was that the boys were not enamored with personal electronic devices. Looking around at other kids, they were all busy with phones, game devices, DVD players and laptops. These young men were interested in watching what their father was doing, learning how to interact, watching how this important man dealt with things. “Good parenting,” noted my flying partner, who had been observing the same thing.

The terminal in Houston

In most airports, flight crews have a lounge in which to hang out in, or, as we might say, “hide.” It's a great place to pull paperwork for a flight, work on trades or schedule bids, take a nap, eat a bite or make phone calls. Most flight attendants make a bee line for the lounge and only emerge for their flight at the very last minute, savoring the time away from passengers for as long as possible. But often, I find myself heading to the gate early, just so I can enjoy some people-based entertainment provided by travelers. People watching at the airport...it's my favorite!

Adventures in Life: My Penguinmas

The littlest Penguin! I was so cute!

I had the funniest birthday call of my life today. I've always said that my brother is one of the funniest people I know. He called from work to wish me a happy birthday, the third person to do so to that point. I told him about missing the call from Mom and Dad first thing this morning. You see, when they called, it came up as unavailable roaming, so I didn't answer. (I actually sort of forgot it was my birthday when I woke up!)

A few hours later, the phone rang again and it was unavailable, but I chose to answer. It was Mom, asking if my phone said it was unavailable. Upon hearing that it was, she got flustered and announced that she would call me right back, but then flung a quick, “Oh, and happy birthday!”, at me before hanging up. Within a minute the phone rang once again, and there was Mom, asking what it said. “Unavailable.”

Jason asked, “What did Mom think she was going to do to change what your phone said?” He next mimicked her talking to her phone, “Hello, this is Linda calling my son, Penguin. He knows me...”

Earth to Penguin!

I'm dying laughing. “I know, right?” I banter back. “It's OK...I'm his mother...Leela calling my son Penguin...”

Mom calls herself, “Oh Revered One,” but Jason thinks it's more like “Oh Reversed One”. So with this new detail of imagined interaction between Mom and her phone, I said that she told her phone she was “Oh Known One,” hoping that my phone would know who was dialing.

Somehow, we got on the topic of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry talks about the agreement we have with pigeons. They get out of our way, and we don't bother them. But every now and then, the protocol is broken and chaos ensues. I was about to fall out of my chair in stitches! Our imaginations have always done us justice for a good laugh! Thank you, Brosef.

Next, my grandmother called and as she has done every year for the past 47, she gave me a wonderfully upbeat birthday greeting. She then launched into the story of she and my grandfather being present when I was born. I don't get this story every year, and I'm not sure how she goes about selecting the years I get it, but it's always nice to get the refresher.

“I got the call that your mother was in labor,” she starts, “and I had to call Poppy at work, who rushed home right away. We then drove to the hospital and were able to be there when you were were born. Later, we went to your dad's apartment and Poppy pulled me close and said, 'Come here, I want to see what it's like to kiss a grandmother!'” My Poppy, he was a romantic!

She's so cute, and wants to know what I'm doing for my birthday. This one wasn't super exciting. I'm on call at work, but knew I was not going to be called, so I had a few chores to do around the house; vacuuming, arranging, laundry, cat boxes, etc. I had a coupon for Hooters, so I told her I'd be going for free wings for dinner. She was happy to hear I was doing something fun.

Another highlight of my day was the call from my Aunt, Glenda. I don't hear from her as much as I'd like and she has the most wonderful, sultry, sweet southern accent of anyone I know! She lives in Dallas and I've only seen her once in the past 10 years. It's so sad, and I promised to work on that. Now that I'm back in Houston, I need to just drive up for a visit! It was so nice to hear her voice and know that she thought of me today.

A few friends

Most of my wishes came to me via my only social life, currently...the dreaded Facebook! I did also hear from a very dear friend in LA and a few other close friends who wanted to let me know I was thought of.

Best birthday phone calls...ever!

The kink in my day involved my new kitty, Cusco. I was cleaning the cat box, and I've found out in the few months that I've had him that he's the kind of cat who is fascinated with watching me clean his box. He watches with great interest, but today, he got right in it.

“Cusco!” I said, “I'm still cleaning that. Can't you wait? OK, well, I guess not,” as he started in on number one. I waited and tried to look away, to give him some privacy, but he didn't seem to care one way or another. I know I would want my human to give me that courtesy.

After scratching around, I could tell that he was now about to issue number two.
“Oh, come on! Cusco...really?” He ignored me as he found the prime position for doing his business. Unbelievable!

Kitty Cusco

When he was finally done, I started to finish my task in scooping the cat diamonds when I noticed in his fresh deposit, disgusting little whitish worms. Ugh! I got a small plastic baggy, knowing the vet would love to inspect it, and called for an immediate appointment.

After a very positive visit with the vet, I got him settled back in at home and left for dinner. I'd not been to Hooters in a long time. I used to go there often and I had received a birthday gift from them for free wings. I sat with my nice, cold Blue Moon and posted on line about my enjoying wings and a lap dance. The wings were spicy and the lap dance was my napkin, but that was the best action I've had in a while!

Young Batman Penguin

It was good day and I don't feel any older. (Not that I really could! How the hell did I get this old, any way? That little boy I used to be is still lurking inside me constantly trying to get back out. I think he wants to watch Batman and play with Legos and Star Wars toys!)

My birthday...It was a Penguinmas Miracle!

Jedi Penguin